At last, we all know that Douche-Rod likes it in the Butt
On July 26th, 1998 SMC, his father and I attended the Boston Red Sox game in what was then called the 600 Club. It was a Sunday matinee and we were excited to see Pedro Martinez pitch against the Toronto Blue Jays (and all the hotdogs, popcorn, and soda that came with that. We were 15). What SMC’s dad was most excited for, however, was the prospect of seeing all of Jose Canseco’s steroid filled muscles going “Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop” when swinging and missing at Pedro’s legendary changeup. It was a great game, the Sox won 6-3 and Canseco hit a homer that put him on top of the list for players born outside of the U.S. with 380. What was most memorable to me about that game though was the fact that it was the first time anyone had seriously convinced me that there were steroids in baseball. I will never forget the sight of SMC’s dad going “Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop” and mimicking the popping of bubbles with his hands.
Today I will remember for a similar reason. First of all, I am sitting in the Virtual Waiting Room (Virtually sitting, virtually waiting, actually bored) and hoping to get the chance to buy Opening Day Tickets (April 6th, 58 days from now). Second, as I watched the VWR refresh every thirty seconds, I was checking out SI.com when I found the following headline: Sources tell SI Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003.
In 2003, when he won the American League home run title and the AL Most Valuable Player award as a shortstop for the Texas Rangers, Alex Rodriguez tested positive for two anabolic steroids, four sources have independently told Sports Illustrated.
Rodriguez’s name appears on a list of 104 players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball’s ’03 survey testing, SI’s sources say. As part of a joint agreement with the MLB Players Association, the testing was conducted to determine if it was necessary to impose mandatory random drug testing across the major leagues in 2004.
When approached by an SI reporter on Thursday at a gym in Miami, Rodriguez declined to discuss his 2003 test results. ”You’ll have to talk to the union,” said Rodriguez, the Yankees’ third baseman since his trade to New York in February 2004. When asked if there was an explanation for his positive test, he said, “I’m not saying anything.”
Perfect.
For some reason this makes me tremendously happy. Rodriguez is a douche, and now everyone knows that he is a cheater. He tested positive for Primobolan and testosterone, and only the last one was to cover the fact that he is naturally full of estrogen. He won’t be suspended for this, because the tests were “anonymous” but names were only revealed because the Government wanted to use them to nail Barry Bonds. He will, however be subject to even more ridicule, scorn and heckling on the road (and likely in the New Yankee Stadium) because of this, and everything he does, whether he’s on the juice or not, will be up to question.
Not only that, but we get to dust off the classic “Ste-Roids, Ste-Roids” chant for each time he steps to the plate or makes a play in the field. He’ll get even more shit than he does for being Madonna’s Boyfriend, anything in Torre’s book, or having gotten decked by Tek. This is gonna be fun.
Eff Douche Rod, Go Sox.
5 Days.
Done
