No Matter To Whom You Are Praying, Pray for the Colts to Beat the Jets.

(I love grammatically correct headlines)

I’m sure as hell not the first person to say this, and I won’t be the last, but how the hell could this happen? In a worst case scenario for Patriots fans, the Colts and Jets are squaring off for the AFC title. The Colts are really really good. They were 14-0 and only lost their last two regular season games because they pulled all of their starters. They have the best Head Coach/Starting Quarterback combo in the world in Peyton Manning and Peyton Manning. They belong in the AFC title game. The Jets on the other hand are so purely hateable that it is ridiculous. Their coach is the spawn of a man who once punched his own team’s offensive coordinator on the sidelines. They run the ball and play defense and only won nine regular season games (the last two of which were mostly because the other team gave up to rest for the playoffs). They’re from freaking New York.

I don’t want to have to say this too many times, and It kind of hurts to do so, but I am pulling for the Colts in this game with everything that I have. I want the Colts to go to the Super Bowl and I want them to embarrass the Jets on the way there.

Why?

I want the Colts to win because I am a little jealous of the Jets. This season’s Jets are nearly a carbon copy of the 2001 Patriots; young QB in his first season as a starter, running game that gets the job done, defense that does it’s job and a coach that just looks smarter and smarter as the post season continues. Rex Ryan may be a hugely fat blowhard (and a crybaby), but you have to admit that his guys want to play for him. He put the championship parade on the post season schedule as if it was a foregone conclusion (even though his team was only 9-7 in the regular season) and you can put money on the fact that the Jets’ website selling AFC Champions shirts, hats, and hoodies before this week’s game was his idea too. Our coach may be a genius, but this guy sounds good, and his team seems to be responding to it.

I want the Colts to win because they are the better team. They challenged the Patriots 16-0 regular season record, but thought it more important to get ready for the playoffs and sat their starters for a game and a half which resulted in two losses (and you had better believe that I would be scratching my eyes out over this game if the Colts had won out because I wouldn’t want the Colts to go 19-0). The Colts got all of those breaks, and took advantage of them, that the Pats did in 2003-2004 when they were 28-4 in the regular season and won two titles.

He looks like a thumb.

But most of all I want the Colts to win because of Peyton Manning. It’s not because he is a great quarterback who needs a second title to validate him as the greatest ever, or because he is the head coach and the quarterback at the same time (I’m not sure if Jim Caldwell is a robot, or if he is dead and being manipulated Weekend at Bernie’s style, but he is definitely not the head coach of this team), but for a completely ridiculous reason. He’s hilarious. Every commercial he is in makes me laugh, from the famous “Cut that Meat” spot to the new Sony ones with Justin Timberlake. Two more weeks of the media being inundated with his commercials is definitely not a bad thing, and you know that there are some companies out there who have some good ones in the can for just this opportunity.

As for the other game, the decision between the Saints and Vikings is not nearly as hard. They re both very good teams, and they could both easily win this game but for the unaffiliated fan the choice of who to root for should be easy.

It’s hard to admit, but Brett Favre is kind of likable as a Viking. He does all the things that are needed to win, and (John Gruden’s monday night blow job notwithstanding) he seems to be having a blast doing it. We’d also get two more weeks of Jared Allen, who fills the Warren Sapp Memorial “Goofy Defensive Lineman” role and always has something going on. The big drawback is the possibility of this whole “pants on the floor” thing continuing (and don’t get me started on the least inspiring fight song ever) and then, win or lose, the fourth annual Brett Favre retirement drama, which would only be made harder by a Super Bowl appearance.

A Super Bowl is the least that the people of New Orleans deserve.

But really, how could you not pick the Saints? They are the heart and soul of the city of New Orleans ever since Katrina, and in a city which is still rebuilding in many ways, this would be the kind of uplifting event that could help everyone. Two weeks of heart warming, tear jerking stories of how the Saints refused to give up on their city would be better than two weeks of Favre, and Miami become New Orleans east is the perfect set up for hilarity, especially if Pac Man Jones makes an appearance.

The lines currently sit at Colts – 8.5 and Saints – 3.5. MVPork and I are taking the home teams and SMC has the visitors.

Go Sox.

25 Days until pitchers and catchers report.

Done.